10 Stupidest Google Searches--Perhaps EVER

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My brother James has a talent for finding the weirdest and most inane top-10 lists while prepping for his morning show. (James is a DJ; or as he prefers to be called, "Master of the Universe, Star of Stage and Screen and Beloved Idol of a Million Women.")

His latest blog post detailed the dumbest Google searches, as researched by SEOLOL.net. As James notes, thinking about what inspired the searches is even more fascinating than the searches themselves. (Please people: Don't drink and Google.)

Here are a few of our shared thoughts on the 10 stupidest Google searches.

1. "Abraham Lincoln Gettysburg Address YouTube Video"
Honest Abe would never have made it to the White House if Americans had plastered his mug all over the Internet. Brother James also noted, "I'm pretty sure he didn’t have time to post that, (but there is a sweet Abe and His Peeps Goofin’ on Borat that’s worth seeing.)"

2. "Obama Gay Relationship With Music"
Naturally, the first thing one has to wonder is how anyone could have a gay relationship with music. I can understand enjoying gay bands and their music. Personally, I danced up a storm to the Village People's "YMCA" during the disco era, but I never saw anyone actually having carnal relations with their records.

3. "Nigeria Investment Opportunities"
You don't need to hunt for Nigerian con artists. Trust me, they'll find your email inbox without any encouragement. Search for "Nigeria Investment," however, and the first recommended topic is "Nigerian Investment Promotion Council," where you'll find a "One Stop Investment Centre."

4. "Sex Addict Won't Have Sex With Me"
That's just sad. If you can't hit the sack with David Duchovny (see StupidCelebrities.net) or a drunk barfly at 2 a.m., you might as well just give it up.

5. "Am I Bipolar or Overachiever"
Here's the difference: If you go on spending binges and sleep 12 hours per day, you're probably bipolar. If you obsessively listen to Tony Robbins CDs and spend more time with your Blackberry than your kids, you're probably an overachiever.

6. "Anorexia in Cats"
Your cat isn't anorexic. It's a picky eater. And those hairballs? Not bulimia.

7. "My Credit Score Is 593 Is That Good"
No.

8. "Shampoo Lice Do Not Like"
Lice like long walks on the beach, snuggling in front of a fire and tickle fights. Like don't like dog shampoo, baboon mothers and, reportedly, eucalyptus essential oils. (Tip: Use Walgreens coupons for deals on lice shampoos and oils.)

9. "Robot Police Cars Like Transformers That Are Blue And White"
I have absolutely no idea what this means, but somebody out there thinks just a little too much about Transformers. In fact, this topic is so obscure the listing has garnered no comments on the SEOLOL site, while 11 people commented on "How to Kill a Monkey With a Wet Paper Towel." (1. Distract the monkey with the wet paper towel. 2. Shoot monkey."

10. "Get Rid Of Friendly Ghost"
ParaResearchers.org explains the process in a blog post.
1. State out loud firmly and politely, "This is my home now. You may stay but the following behaviour is not acceptable ... "
2. Ask a priest or minister to bless the house.
3. If all else fails, contact the Spiritualist Church of Canada.

Special Bonus: Angie Waller of CouchProjects made this clever Google Ad mashup of her favorite SEOLOL entries.

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