10 Weird Ways Employees Ultimately Fired Themselves

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Hooters server Cassie Smith is 5 foot 8 inches, 132 pounds and beautiful. During a generally glowing two-year review, however, management told Smith she was on “weight probation” and had 30 days to lose the pounds or be fired.

In an age when pink slips are more common than pay slips, Smith's story isn't all that unusual. Other employees, however, really have to think outside the box to get the boot.

Here are 10 stories about people who, ultimately, fired themselves.

1. How to Lose Your Job as an Administrative Assistant
Marie Lupe Cooley of Jacksonville, Fla., deleted $2.5 million worth of her employer's computer files after finding a help-wanted ad placed by her boss. Cooley thought the described position sounded remarkably similar to her own, so she snuck in at 11 p.m. one Sunday and quietly deleted seven years' worth of architectural drawings.

As it turned out, the help-wanted ad listed a position available in the office of her employer's wife. Cooley's job was never under threat, though it was after her midnight escapade.

 

2. How to Lose Your Job as a TV Interviewer
A Dutch talk-show host can't stop giggling while trying to interview a man whose testicles were mistakenly removed during surgery.

3. How to Lose Your Job as a Guard Dog
Not everyone is an Elvis fan, including a Doberman Pinscher hired to work as a guard dog for an English teddy-bear exhibition. The dog went berserk and inflicted fatal injuries on some 100 of the prize exhibits, but it was the destruction of a £40,000 teddy bear once ownedby Elvis that got him canned.

Is it possible Barney’s unexpected rampage was the reaction of a jealous, working-class underdog against the teddy bear's inherited wealth and privilege? Whatever his motives, the guard dog is surely in the doghouse.

4. How to Lose Your Job as a Nurse
Intensive care nurses George and Tracy Miller earned a combined $96,000 per year, but found they could rake in an additional $52,000 by hosting and appearing on a porn site. The couple's free website -- which solicits paid subscriptions -- featured a picture of a topless Tracy with the bold headline, "X-Rated Porno Nurse Fired!"

In termination papers, the Scottsdale (Ariz.) Healthcare Osborn hospital said the duo "sexually harassed fellow employees and created a hostile work environment by trying to recruit employees to appear on the site." Naturally, the nursing nudies went on Comedy Central to protest their innocence.

5. How to Lose Your Job as Donald Trump's Firing-Squad Aide
Stories vary as to why Carolyn Kepcher was fired in 2006 as the comb-over king's second-banana on "The Apprentice." Some say the photogenic golf-club executive was dumped from after two seasons for being a bad golfer. Others say it was the former Avon saleswoman's "excessive self promotion" and willingness to argue on-air with The Donald.

The reality behind the reality star's job loss, however, may have been the results of a Marketing Evaluations survey. More than 80 percent of respondents recognized Trump, but the majority found Kepcher far more likable.

(Please note not one "You're fired!" joke was included in this piece.)

6. How to Lose Your Job at Walmart
Walmart greeter Ed Bauman, a 69-year-old Floridian, sprang into action when a departing customer set off an alarm. Bauman was writing down the car license when the suspected klepto took a swing at him. Bauman returned in kind, an action that got him sacked for "gross misconduct." Here's the best part: Police refused to charge Bauman, saying he was defending himself and well within his rights.

 

 

7. How to Lose Your Job as a Member of Parliament
Scottish Labour Party candidate Stuart MacLennan didn't get the boot for impregnating an aide or sending sex texts. Instead, the MP hopeful committed Twitter suicide.

In various Twitters, MacLennan referred to old people as “coffin dodgers” and called other politicians twats, bastards and odious little shits. The ex-candidate also used the F-word and the C-word, and made a joke about slavery.

8. How to Lose Your Job as a Firefighter
If Denis Leary's "Rescue Me" on the FX channel is true, porn is a staple of firehouses. Columbus, Ga., city officials, however, felt Joshua Alford went to far when he used a city computer to check out X-rated websites.

Alford filed a suit claiming city leaders weren't exactly blameless, as they received emails “with adult materials included in jokes and photographs” at their work addresses. The emails included such topics as “fellatio, suppositories, crude language … as well as pictures which rise to the level of ‘adult material.’”

Alford also noted the city allowed fire stations to have premium TV channels featuring such shows as "Bikini Chain Gang" and "Busty Cops 2." No word as to weather the firehouse gang watched "Busty Cops 1."

9. How to Lose Your Job as an Art Teacher
High-school art teacher Stephen Murmer was tossed out on his bum when the Chesterfield (Virg.) County School Board objected to his unique form of artistic expression. Much of Murmer's abstract art included smearing his buttocks and genitals with paint and pressing them against a canvas. The school board took the action after a YouTube video showed Murmer wearing a swim thong and Groucho Marx fake nose while creating his "ass-inine' art. Murmer got the last laugh, however. The school district forked over $65,000 to settle Murmer's civil suit and his artwork now sells for up to $2,100. The latest reports say Murmer is still sitting on his bum.

10. How to Lose Your Job as a Cashier
Apparently being an arch-enemy will ensure you never even get hired. One of the most frequently viewed pages on FailBlog.org features a cashier-wanted sign from a store window. Applicants must be 21 or older, able to work weekends, and not "look anything like 'Skeletor' from 'He-Man.'"

One has to wonder about previous cashiers employed by this store.

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