American capitalists realized about 10 years into the Super Bowl tradition they could sell tons of junk to football fanatics. It started with Super Bowl T-shirts and caps but rapidly progressed to some of the most awful crap you've ever seen.
I love me some Super Bowl, but these 12 Super-Bowl centric products are just beyond the pale.
1. Goal Post Head Boppers
From Super Bowl Fun - $3.57
Those headbands with felted reindeer horns come out at Christmas Office Parties, but what does the well-dressed fan wear to a Super Bowl party? Why a goal post headband. The set includes a tiny football thatVelcros to the goal post when friends aren't trying to throw it between your uprights.
2. Super Bowl Snack Helmet
From Wincraft - $64.99
Lay out some snacks at your Super Bowl® party with the Super Bowl® XLIV snack helmet from WinCraft™. The full-size helmet is made of durable molded PVC plastic and has a microwave and dishwasher safe removable snack bowl in the center. A tray fits into the face mask and is great for dips and sauces. The officially licensed snack helmet is decorated with the Super Bowl® XLIV logo.
3. 24KT Gold Commemorative Photomint
From Highland Mint - $89.99
Highland Mint believes you aren't "properly honoring the legend of the game' without a pricey photomint. For $89.99, you get a color photo, a 24KT gold-plated commemorative coin, and a 24KT gold-plated NFL® logo coin. A numbered certificate of authenticity is mounted between the coins. Whoopee!
4. The Who Guitar-shaped Sign
From Wincraft - $29.99
A real guitar might be worth it, but this is nothing but a cheesy wood sign shaped like a guitar with graphics of this year's half-time entertainment. Hang it on your wall and you'll never get another second date.
5. 24KT Gold Super Bowl Flip Coin Set
From Five Star Memorabilia - $999.95
The game doesn't start without the coin toss, so how can you call your collection complete without what the Highland Mint calls, "the quintessential collectible that denotes the pride and history behind Americas greatest Sunday of the year?" Nearly $1,000 gets you a 38-inch square wood frame, "pigskin-like" matting and 44 fake Super Bowl flip coins in 24KT gold.
6. Quart Pail
From Wincraft - $29.97
Why cool your keg in just any old metal bucket when you can spend nearly $30 on an official Super Bowl® XLI 17-Quart Pail, "a perfect addition to any pigskin party." The teams' logos are painted on the side, which makes it truly official. Handles included.
7. Indianapolis Colts Snow Globe
From Champions On Display - $31.95"
"Shake it up and watch the confetti fall on the Colts' Super Bowl Logo! Hand numbered on the base! Awesome Super Bowl Ring Base!" (Champions on Display really likes exclamation points!!)
8. Saints Float Ring
From Champions on Display - $29.95
Because everybody watches the Super Bowl from their pool, right? Buy a second vinyl float ring for your beer. (Patch kit included)
9. Saints Light-up Personal Handheld Fan
From Champions on Display - $23.95
You'll be the envy of the party when you whip out this sissy little fan. Comes with LED lights. "When the blades spin, messages such as 'Number One' and 'Go Saints' appear." The perfect accessory for a perfect dork.
10. Super Bowl Quarterback Punter Trinket Box
From Mary B Decorative Art - $7.83
Only 1 left in stock--order soon!
11. Football Helmet Confetti
From Super Bowl Fun - $2.06/5 ounce pack
Toss a handful of this metallic confetti when your team wins and you'll never be invited back. The little helmets and footballs are rather cunning, though.
12. Custom Button
From Custom Buttons - $5.25
It's a button, folks! But Custom Buttons raves, "It can be worn, collected or displayed. A nice piece of memorabilia!"
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