July 21, 2010 - Posted to In-Store Shopping, Special Events.
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Why do so many brides strive for perfect weddings when it’s the imperfections that make the day truly special?
Forget the meringue wedding dress, matching tuxes or monogrammed aisle liners: It’s the bored ring bearer; clumsy best man, and “Thriller” dancing groomsmen that end up in our memories and on YouTube for all time.
Yet stressed-out American brides each continue to spend an average of $19,581 trying to create flawless weddings. A fair portion of that figure goes towards the following 20 items of unconscionable crap -- all pushed on these stressed-out women by an insidious Wedding Industrial Complex.
Don't say we didn’t sarcastically warn you.
1. Formal Engagement Photos
The New York Times won’t print engagement photos unless the couple’s eyebrows “are arranged on exactly the same level.” If you think about this policy, it makes perfect sense. After all, if you can’t play Sudoku on the brow lines, why bother?
2. Diamond Wedding Bands
Too many rocks on the hand could mean too many rocks in the head. The diamonds on your engagement ring should be more than sufficient. Besides, extra rocks just mean more callouses on your palm.
3. Cake Server Sets
Your manicured hands are going to cover those curvaceous and be-ribboned handles throughout the 10 seconds you’ll actually put the implements to use. It all comes down to whether you want to pay a couple hundred for engraved silver you'll never use again.
4. Classy Guestbook and Pen Set
The only person who’s going to see the cover of the guestbook is the poor schmuck you corralled into saying, “Would you like to sign the guestbook?” Besides, those $100 pens never really work for more than 10 minutes.
5. Bride and Groom Exchange Gifts
I thought your were giving each other the gift of yourselves. Silly me. If you really want to give something tangible, try a simple, heartfelt note written. Now that's something worth treasuring.
6. Monogrammed Aisle Runner
Why walk on a carpet when you can walk all over your own names (or squiggly initials). A free-floating runner is just another obstacle to trip on as you trip your way down the aisle.
7. Groom's Cakes
Wedding cakes serve two purposes: They make great photo props and single ladies like to slime the undersides of their pillows in hopes of sweet dreams. What purpose does a groom’s cake serve besides lining the trash bin. along with the baker's pocket?
8. Padded Guest Lists
Sure it took a village to raise you, but does the entire village need to attend your wedding?
9. Wedding Planners
Some venues require brides hire wedding planners, which suggests they’re getting a huge kick-back. Some planners are worth their weight in gold, but others create more headaches and chaos. (Remember semi-hysterical Anthony Marantino from "Sex in the City?")
10. Limousines
Sure it's fun to stand up in the sun roof and shout "woo-woo," and it's cool to legally drink in a super-stretched car, but it's a lot cheaper to just pack a whiskey flask in your purse and borrow a friend's sedan.
11. Videos
Videos are more than expensive, they're dangerous in the wrong hands. Remember the bride who ended up on YouTube after the clumsy best man shoved her into the pool? Thankfully, the videographer was facing the wrong way when her dress slipped to waist level.
Years after the wedding, many couples say they’d much rather have spent the money on professional still photos than a video they seldom watch.
12. Engraved Invitations
Hang the expense. Collating all that paper is exhausting. There’s the engraved wedding invite; the totally unnecessary tissue paper; the engraved reception invite; the engraved RSVP card; and possibly a SASE RSVP envelope. All are stuffed in a spiffy envelope that you then have to stamp and hand address.
Unless they have a vested interest, people look at all that paper for a few seconds, send back the response card -- if you’re lucky -- and toss out the rest.
13. Rented Tuxedos
Have you ever known a little boy who dreams of growing up to look like a penguin?
14. Personalized Matches
Unless you hang out with a lot of smokers, tokers and/or candle freaks, these suckers are going in the trash.
15. Matching Bridesmaids Dresses
Let your bridesmaids wear any dress in their closet and you'll still be speaking after the wedding. Every bride should be forced to watch "27 Dresses."
16. Make-Up Professionals
Rule number one: The skin on your face should match the skin on your arms and back.
Rule number two: Your fiance is marry you, not the make-up artist.
Rule number three: It's a lot cheaper to visit a department store make-up counter for a make-over. Just be sure to buy something when you're finished, like a base color that matches your skin tone.
17. Bustles
Is baby desperate to get back -- to the late 1800s? If you want to catch a train, call Amtrak.
18. Expensive Shoes
Listen up. NOBODY CAN SEE YOUR FEET UNDER THE DRESS! Unless you're wearing a cocktail gown, of course. Then go hog wild.
19. Wedding Favors
Personalized tote bags; soy candles in cute little bags, sterling-silver bubble tubes; monogrammed M&Ms, lip balm andwater bottles...stop me before I hurl cash.
20. Dry Cleaning the Wedding Dress
Like you’re EVER going to wear it again. (Thanks to MyExWeddingDress.com for the photo.)
Things Upon Which I Order You To Spend Money
1. Professional Photographers
Trust me: Uncle Fred or brother-in-law Ed can not take photos "as good as any of those fancy-pants professionals." Pay a pro and you'll never regret it.
2. A Divorce Dance Video
Just in case things don't work out, follow the example of the couple who created a divorce video patterned after "Jill and Kevin's Wedding Entrance Dance," viewed 52 million times on YouTube and featured on The Office and the Today Show.
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From the comments: "Who wants to let their bridesmaids wear whatever they want?" I do. I actually like the way it looks when bridesmaids wear different dresses. And I want to respect the individuality of my bridesmaids. I want them to be happy, and almost no one likes wearing a uniform someone else picked. They're my friends, and I love them for who they are. I don't want them all to look the same, because at that point you could replace them with store dummies. I respect anyone who wants to dictate exactly what each bridesmaid wears because it is their prerogative to ask for that, but it is not crazy for a bride to let her friends wear whatever they want.
Posted January 17, 2012 by Angela
You're getting quite a bit of criticism here, but I agree with most of your list. Just because it doesn't cost a lot doesn't mean it's not silly. One of my best friends got married a few months ago, spent almost $50k on her wedding, was under a lot of stress for over a year, including fights with her fiance over spending decisions on the wedding, and now she doesn't even remember what their invitation looked like or what color the linens were- things she was super-stressed out about while planning. Oh, and the people commenting about the bridesmaid dresses probably have never been bridesmaids- just because the couple is not paying for them, doesn't mean they shouldn't be considerate of their friends' finances and taste. For each time I've been a bridesmaid, I've had to buy a hideous dress for about $200, and an equally horrible pair of shoes for maybe another $50, new accessories to match (ones pre-approved by the bride, of course), spring for my hair and make-up (professionals required by the bride as well)- just so I can look like five other girls and feel uncomfortable for the whole evening. There are reasons to not have them dress the same- because they're not the same people, and because it's THEIR dress, and you, being their friend, supposedly like them. They are doing you a favor being in your wedding, the least you can do is be considerate.
Posted September 3, 2010 by Jeannette
I do not agree with some of the items on your list. Although some of them makes sense, but others do not. Like your last one on #20. Of course you won't be able to use your dress again. But would you really want to keep it inside your closet dirty? Your wedding dress can still serve other people and you may even sell it online after the wedding. I had my wedding dress dried clean after the wedding, although I do not have any plans of selling it. but so far a friend of mine used my dress for her own wedding, another friend used it for her pre-nuptial photo shoot, and a cousin of mine used it for a photo shoot. So my point is, keeping it tucked and safe can always serve you good in the end. and if you just simply want to sell it, then do so.
Posted August 22, 2010 by bridal girl
Yeahhh, I'm a big saver but I'm not a fan of this article. It's clearly written by someone who has little to no experience with weddings or womens clothing. Shoes should be decently priced so that you don't hurt your back/knees/feet after standing all day and a bustle (like an above poster mentioned) is a part of the dress already that fastens the train to the dress for less formal times. Bridesmaids buy their own dresses so that's not even relevant to the couple's expenses for the wedding. Not that some of the tips (paring down the guest list, forgoing the frippery) aren't great, but the majority of them are out of touch. Do your research next time Alexis.
Posted July 28, 2010 by ETC
Your #17 looks like a picture of a hoop skirt, not a bustle. A bustle is a way of fastening up a wedding dress train so you're not tripping on it all night at the reception. Your other options might be picking a wedding dress that's short or doesn't have a train, or changing into a second dress for the reception. And regarding #7, a groom's cake can be an inexpensive way of having more cake (think sheet cake) to serve at your wedding without adding an expensive tier to your main cake. As with most things, it's all in how you do it, not necessarily giving up every detail you might want.
Posted July 26, 2010 by SA
Who wants to let their bridesmaids wear whatever they want? That's pretty ridiculous. Besides, traditionally, they pay for their own dresses, so as long as you pick something they like that is affordable for them, there's no reason NOT to have them dress the same. A better way to save is to cut the number of maids you need.
Posted July 26, 2010 by alex
This article is offensive, to anyone who has ever had a wedding, wanted a wedding, or even been to a wedding... seriously, "the people in your life don't matter, don't invite them"... or "who really needs cake?"... a DIVORCE video? and we wonder at a 40% divorce rate in the US... Favors? These people come out, spend money on a gift (maybe even travel, and shell out for a hotel), and support you, why give them 6 or7 m
Posted July 26, 2010 by Noelle
I suspect that the author really has no clue what a bustle for a wedding dress is. The bustle is used to lift the train off of the floor for things like dancing. It isn't the Victorian bustle implied here.
Posted July 25, 2010 by Susan
I did do a lot of these, but I truly regret cutting corners with the wedding photographer. I did that based on advice from websites like this or from the "bridal bargains" book. In hindsight, that $1000 I saved is not worth not being able to relive my amazing maid of honor/ best man speeches or the wedding ceremony which we wrote ourselves.
Posted July 23, 2010 by Meaghan
Jerad is right, of course - it's all about the liquor and food. And location. And guestlist. If you can get even one of those at a discount or downgraded or decide to scrap an entire outer circle of acquaintances, you can spend as much as you want on favors/aisle runners/videographer. Totally agree about the video, btw. Hand somebody a Flip recorder (you can buy one for way less than a videographer costs) and you'll have the same precious memories for all time. Also, just sayin', it's way cheaper to go to Vegas. I actually got to *hang out* with the people at my wedding. We had *multiple meals together*. And my wedding, including a really sumptuous week in Vegas, came in under $6k.
Posted July 23, 2010 by Amber
If you're going to go through the trouble of hiring a professional photographer for several hundred dollars, why would you skimp on a makeup artist? Yes, there is such a thing as Photoshop, but you will risk looking bad in all your other pictures (pictures taken by friends and family) unless you yourself want to pay for the extra expense of having them edited, too. I'm not saying that on an average day your own makeup skills don't suffice, but this is not an average day. You will be under a lot of stress; there will probably be sweating, and more likely than not, tears. Wedding dresses are HOT. Even if you decide to go with a simple dress, the special underwear most of us will wear to keep everything in place, as well as to ensure a perfect hourglass figure, is generally not very comfortable or breathable. A professional makeup artist will know not only how to make you look your best but also know how to make it last even in the face of tears, sweat, and bad weather.
Posted July 23, 2010 by cen
What do you consider expensive? Yes, my shoes cost $100. But wearing shoes much less than that is a bad idea no matter what, because they have zero support. Lack of pain is worth it. And there is no way I would have wanted to hand-wash my dress. It was a long day, the dress was dirty. Had I not gotten it professionally cleaned I probably never would have worn it. And as nice as several of the other ideas are: is it really worth pissing off all your relatives, your wedding party and the groom to implement them? Don't buy anything you can't afford, but before you tell the bridesmaids that they should just wear any church-appropriate dress they like, ask yourself if you really want to tick them off that much. These women meant enough to you that you asked them to stand for you at the wedding. Is it fair to ignore their wishes entirely? Same goes for the rest of the family. Remember, you have to live with these decisions for a long time. Telling the groom "I'm going to buy a new dress, but you have to wear your suit instead of renting a tux" seems a little unfair.
Posted July 22, 2010 by Christine
I don't know about the weddings you've gone to, but my wedding, which had 75 guests, devoured the entire wedding cake and the whole groom's cake too. I'm just lucky they took the top part of the 3 tier cake off before they started cutting it. Also, they take a gazillion pictures because it takes 5 or 10 to find a really good looking "in the moment". There's only a very limited number of posed photos from our wedding.
Posted July 22, 2010 by lala
"Remember the bride who ended up on YouTube after the clumsy best man shoved her into the pool? Thankfully, the videographer was facing the wrong way when her dress slipped to [waist] level." Staged: http://content.usatoday.com/communities/entertainment/post/2009/10/68500815/1 Given the choice, I'd take photography over videography. Unless you're a wizard, your photos don't move, but a good photograph can "bring someone back to life" as much as a video. Remember to document your everyday life once in a while. These are opinions and suggestions. There are things you'll use once and never again, like the cake server set and monogrammed runner (something I didn't know existed until reading this post). What the post is suggesting is that, apart from services (makeup artist, photographer, and videographer) you carefully evaluate what is important to you.
Posted July 22, 2010
Pictures are important, but you can't have your kid watch a picture of their dad's words to their mom during the toasts. Not all videographers are overly expensive. Don't generalize our profession and say people shouldn't hire a videographer because we may post catastrophic disasters that occur at the wedding! Any pro videographer would already have an agreement about posting of that couple's day as far as demo footage go. bad form coupon sherpa
Posted July 22, 2010 by nicholas thompson
Reasonable article, but I strongly disagree about having videographer, I mean you can ony display so many photos so like out of 1300 photos I got, I've displayed 3. I believe the video is a priceless, timeless artifact of your big day, that will never be recreated. Also you miss so much as the bride/groom and when its on film you see things you didnt see on the day. In my case, it was essential because I wanted both my parents on film so that one day when they arent here, I can bring them back to life! OH and you are so wrong.... EXPENSIVE SHOES are a MUST HAVE!!!
Posted July 22, 2010 by Cynthia
I disagree on point 20 - thank goodness my grandmother had her wedding dress dry cleaned. It kept it from disintegrating, and I got to wear it! If you choose a dress that's not too trendy, who knows? Someone else with a smaller budget than yours may be able to wear it someday. If you don't have it cleaned, you may as well just throw it out. The sweat/salts/oils from your body and the spilled food/drinks, and the dirt from dragging on the floor, etc. will cause the fabric to deteriorate and it will never be usable for anyone else.
Posted July 22, 2010 by Erin
A lot of the stuff in this list really doesn't cost much. Some of it does, but stuff like the customized matches only run like $40. The big ticket items are Liquor and Food. If you can cut corners (or bring your own/call in a favor) you'll be saving major bank.
Posted July 22, 2010 by Jerad
Don't forget the personalized napkins, pew bows, and streamers/decorations for the hall!
Posted July 21, 2010 by Tarah
Stupid, stupid and stupid. Come on. People watch wedding videos all the time. Get over yourself. Just because you can't afford a good wedding doesn't mean you can't have a great day. This list sucks. You'll look like a loser if you go out in a friend's sedan. Why not use a tractor trailer? Come on.
Posted July 21, 2010 by Mike Mofal