30 Laughable Christmas Gifts for the Filthy Rich

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Why should the filthy rich have to downscale at Christmas just because the rest of the world is swimming in debt and foreclosures? Don't they deserve a Merry Christmas, albeit with appallingly expensive gifts? Apparently the billionaires of the world agree: Neiman Marcus sold fifty 2010 Jaguar XJs -- priced at $105,00 each -- in just four hours.

Don't worry. There are still plenty of gifts available if Paris Hilton is on your gift list.

1. Cupcake Car: Priced at an accessible $25,000, the electric Cupcake Car was designed by artist Lisa Pongrace for the Burning Man Festival using sheet metal, wire, fabric and wood. Just put on your matching hat, slide under the muffin top and tool around town.

2. Apple 1: This collectible computer is available on eBay for $50,000, or perhaps more by now. According to Apple mythology, there are only 50 Apple 1s remaining in the wild, thus the sky-high price tag for a computer that won't even boot up. The seller justifies the price tag by including the invoice, manual, a typed FAQ on notebook paper from Steve Jobs and (this is way cool) the original shipping box, which shows the return address as Steve Job's parents house.

3. Coyote Fur Hammocks: Lest you worry, these are "naturally deceased" coyotes. Combine the pleasure of relaxation with that fur-coat feel for $7,500.

4. Bugatti Veyron: Forget that trashy Jaguar. The Bugatti Veyron is the world's most powerful, most-expensive and fastest street-legal production car. If you can afford the $2 million price tag, you can afford all the tickets you'll receive when The Bugatti hits its top speed of 253 mph.

5. Tesla Roadster: Worried about the price of gas? This all-electric car looks like something James Bond would drive and can go from 0 to 60 in under four seconds. Unfortunately, a 30-hour charge will only take you from Washington D.C. to New York City.

6. Levitating Hover Scooter: Designed to look like a miniature flying saucer with handlebars, an engine-powered fan keeps the hover scooter levitating inches above the ground. A stream of air provides light forward thrust at a maximum of 15 mph. Much cooler than a Segway, the levitating scooter costs $17,000.

7. Virtual Butler: The truly rich have live butlers, but let's say you're not truly rich. $20,000 will buy you a Virtual Butler that appears through a specially designed mirror and speaks through your home speakers. (Think the Wicked Queen's Magic Mirror from "Snow White.") The Butler is created using an upscale computer server that connects to most of your home's electronic security systems and alerts you when there's a change in the system. That'll be all, Jeeves.

8. The Sexy Splendor Fantasy Bra: Ho Hum. Victoria's Secret is offering their diamond bra again, but this year they've jacked up the price to $12.5 million. The bra features a delicate floral design rendered in 18-karat white gold with over 2,900 pave-set diamonds and 22 ruby gemstones and a focal 101-carat flawless pear-shaped diamond. Those with a cheap streak can purchase the $3 million Harlequin Fantasy Bra. As every lady knows, the downstairs and upstairs much match, so pair one of the diamond bras with Victoria's Secret's $120,000 diamond thongs from 2008. (ouch!)

9. Diamond-studded iPhone: While we're on the topic of diamonds and Steve Jobs, how about a $25,000 Apple iPhone 3G, made of solid gold and 139 diamonds with a home button made from a 6.6k diamond. Drop a few more dollars, specifically $15,000, for a diamond-studded case.

10. Telekinetic Obstacle Course: This game isn't super expensive but the recipient doesn't need to know that and it's too cool not to include. The game uses your focused brain waves to maneuver a ball through an obstacle course. A headband and two earlobe clips measure theta wave activity produced by your brain to move a foam ball. A true steal at $99.95. Watch the video.

11. Mont Blanc Mystery Masterpiece Pen: Care to blow $750,000 on a hideous pen? Thankfully, only nine of these monsters were made. (I bet Donald Trump owns one.)

12. Opus Foosball Table: Foosball Tables disappeared when "Friends" was cancelled, but there's always someone willing to spend top dollar on something. The Opus Foosball, priced at $43,000, is handcrafted from wood and stainless steel with a playing field illuminated from below. Shell out more dollars and they'll personalize the players' with your friends' faces.

13. Diamond and gold USB drive: Do you constantly misplace your flash drive? A 14k gold flash drive with glittering diamonds from U3 Israeli Jewellry should be harder to lose, particularly with the $5,650 price tag.

14. iDiamond iPod: Filthy expensive electronics are the hot items this year. This blingy iPod is made of 18k gold embedded with 430 diamonds and comes with matching earphones for $45,000. Talk about burning a hole in your pocket.

15. Lantic Systems gold remote control: At $55,000, you'll never stop arguing over the Lantic Systems Gold RC1 remote control. The round control looks like a UFO and will control your TV, home theatre system, CCTV, burglar alarm, lights, air conditioner and curtains, if you ever figure out how to program it. Otherwise, it's an incredibly expensive paperweight.

16. Waterproof pool table: So you're swimming in your backyard pool one day and suddenly have a hankering to play pool in your pool. If only your wife had given you a weatherproof pool table for Christmas. Prices begin at $6,500, although many custom options can be added to hike up the price.

17. Algonquin Round Table Experience: Book buffs would love this gift. For $200,000, you get an exclusive dinner at New York City's legendary Algonquin Hotel with such literary luminaries as Christopher Buckley, Roz Chast, Nora Ephron, Malcolm Gladwell, Henry Louis Gates Jr., John Lithgow and George Stephanopoulos. The original Roundtable, also known as the "Vicious Circle," included New York writers Dorothy Parker, Robert Benchley (grandfather to "Jaws" author Peter Benchley) and Alexander Woolcott.

18. Maker's Mark Master Distiller Experience: This all-access, VIP experience from Neiman Marcus includes a day with Maker's Mark Master Distiller Kevin Smith. Spend a day going step-by-step through the process of distilling this exceptional whiskey. Includes two bottles of the rarest Maker's Mark in golden bottles etched with your likeness and dipped in gold wax with 24-kt gold flecks. Also included in the $7,500 price tag are luxury accommodations in Louisville and a gourmet dinner hosted by Bill Samuels, the 7th generation of Maker's Mark.

19. Zoltar: Treat the little boy in your man to a replica of the fortune-telling machine from the movie "Big". This $9,000 reproduction isn't as cool as the movie version, but it's over six-feel tall and does dispense fortunes.

20. Surfango Surfboard: Too lazy to paddle your way out to the waves? Let this power surfboard do the work for you. A 9.5 horsepower, 4-stroke gas engine lets you glide through water at speeds of up to 25 mpg for just $3,000.

21. Flame Coffee Table: Why go to the bother of putting a candle on your coffee table when you can spend $3,500 on a Flame Table? An ethanol-based flame shoots from the middle of the limestone and granite table top on a lattice-wood base.

22. Life-Size Yoda: The "Star Wars" sage is only $700, but how off-the-hook to have Yoda attend your next party and kick some Sith butt.

23. Jayne's T-shirt from "Serenity": What a major geek-out gift! This is the actual shirt worn by Adam Baldwin's mercenary character from director Joss Whedon's cult television show and movie. Truly a steal for fans at $1,109, this is one of the five highest priced T-shirts on the market.

24. A piece of the Death Star: Another gift for "Star Wars" fans (and there is no shortage of them), actual pieces of the Death Star range from 3-inches square to 24-inches square at $3,000 to $6,000. Each piece is made of a very dense, lightweight foam material.

25. Captain Kirk's Chair: While only a replica, this meticulously detailed copy of "Star Trek's" captain's chair is life-sized and was constructed from the original design conceived by set director and art designer Matt Jefferies. $2,900.

26. Name a species: Spend a mere $500 to $600 for immortality. Your cash allows you to name a species of the itsy-bitsy midge insect. Proceeds support research.

27. Holiday Golf's System 4 Indoor Golf Simulator Premium: The boys on HBO's "Entourage" made us lust after this virtual-reality system that puts you right out on the links while still in the office. The simulator includes a swing analyzer that evaluates your shot and illustrates the trajectory onto a 4200 Lumen Sharp screen projecting a real-time image of various golf courses. The $37,900 price tag is pocket change for a movie star.

28. Gurkha’s Premier Cigar-His Majesty’s Reserve: The most expensive cigars in the world aren’t just made with premium tobacco: They’re also infused with a generous portion of Louis XIII Cognac, one of the finest cognacs on the market today. Fewer than 100 boxes are produced each year and sold for $750 per cigar. If you can afford these cigars, surely you can afford a restaurant that will allow you to puff away after a fine dinner. Don't forget to pick up a $79,000 S.T. Dupont Ligne 2 Champaigne Lighter.

29. Carlsberg Vintage No. 1 Beer: Anyone can buy an expensive bottle of wine, but it takes a true brew fan to pay $395 for a bottle of beer. The Carlsberg Group recently introduced the most expensive beer in the world to upgrade the image of their more common Carlsberg Pilsner. You'll have to fly to Denmark, however, to try the 10.5 proof beer as it's only sold in three restaurants in Copenhagen.

30. Chocopologie by Knipschildt: When you've REALLY messed up, buy her these chocolates from Denmark. You'll have to plan ahead, however, as the $250 dark chocolate truffle with a French black truffle buried inside is available on a preorder-only basis. Each truffle is made of 70% Valrhona cacao blended into a creamy ganache with truffle oil. The truffle is then hand-rolled with a dark truffle on the inside and dusted with cocoa powder. Spring for a whole pound at $2,600 and she'll forgive you anything.

If you can't afford any of these gifts, consider buying Christopher Tennant's "The Official Filthy Rich Handbook," with detailed information on how you too can become filthy rich.

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